Helplessness
by morethorough
Summary: Horatio can't feel anything beside helplessness when the events of Mayday have unforeseen consequences.
1. Chapter 1

_Spoilers for Mayday._

__Disclaimer: CSI:Miami is not mine and I do not intend to earn any money from my story._  
><em>

_Authors Note: My first story on FFnet so please be gentle. Also English is not my native language so if there are any mistakes, please let me know, since it will help me to avoid them in the future. More Thorough.  
><em>

* * *

><p>"H, can you hear me?" came a soft voice through what felt like a very thick fog that clouded his brain.<p>

Horatio was waking up slowly. There was a faint beeping noise beside his head and a familiar antiseptic scent of a hospital. He knew something went wrong, but what? The last thing he remembered was going with Natalia to meet Randy North. They got out of the car and then he was probably shot, because in one second he was talking to Natalia and the next he was on the ground, bleeding. Everything that happened next was a blur of images, voices, people and a horrible feeling of helplessness when he couldn't stop Randy from sending Natalia to the water in the trunk of an old car.

"Natalia!" His eyes snapped open when the terrible memory came back to him. This sudden movement caused him so much pain that he shut his eyes back very tight trying not to scream out loud. He groaned and that was followed with increased activity around him.

"Horatio, calm down." He heard Eric's voice and felt a pair of hands that grabbed his own.

"We're giving you something for the pain, Lieutenant, it should start working in a minute." Other voice, probably belonging to a nurse, but he didn't have the energy to make sure of that.

Trying to breathe through the pain and waiting for the medicine to kick in he felt his mind going back to the events from the pier.

_It wasn't until he found himself leaning on the cold concrete that he realized something happened. He heard a shot, but everything was so surreal. There was no pain at first, because the signal from the nerves in his abdomen haven't quite reach his brain yet. He realized that someone was talking to him, but he couldn't make the words out. His body felt the trauma and Horatio suddenly couldn't stand anymore. After kneeling a second, still with a gun in his hand, he collapsed on the ground at the pier. He probably lost consciousness for a while, but then he realized that Natalia wasn't anywhere near him. He tried to get a look around, but even a slightest movement caused him a lot of pain. His eyes clouded, he managed to take a shot or two in the direction he thought was accurate, but nothing stopped Randy from rolling the car with Natalia to the water. Defeated, Horatio collapsed back on the cold ground, feeling the blood pouring from his wound and forming a large pool around him. His energy gone, he knew he had to try and save Natalia, but he was getting weaker every minute and he didn't know how long he could hold on. Feeling for his phone, he managed to get it out of his pocket and press '1' on his speed dial. Eric. He knew that he could count on his friend. In his mind, Natalia was the priority. If he himself couldn't be saved, maybe Eric would be able to save her. _

"_Hey H, you found something?" Horatio heard Eric's voice. But he only was able to mutter weak "Help… Natalia… is in danger… Old pier… Car in the water…" and he could feel the darkness enveloping him. The phone fell out of his hand and before he lost consciousness he hoped that his team would get here in time to save Natalia, and, with some luck, maybe him too._

"H?" Eric's voice cut through Horatio's mind and he got back from his thoughts to the hospital room. He realized that the medicine must have worked because the blinding pain was gone, and there was only a dull ache in his abdomen. He opened his eyes and saw not only Eric, but two other faces looking down at him.

"Good to see you awake, Lieutenant," said one face, which belonged to a doctor. The other one was probably a nurse from before. Horatio wanted to say something but his mouth and throat we so dry that he couldn't form a word. Eric realized his discomfort and handed him a cup of water, which helped quickly.

"Natalia?" he asked, wanting to know if they were able to save her. They had to if they could also save him. She had to be okay. If not, he was the one responsible, because it was his job to protect her. If not, it was all his fault.

"She's…" Eric apparently was at a loss of words. "Maybe the doctor should examine you first and then we could…"

"Eric." Horatio cut him off, waiting for an explanation.

Defeated, Eric looked down at his boss and friend before saying "H, she's in a coma."


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you so much for the great response to my story. Thanks to Ashleigh148, furryfurbi, ajay1960 and daxy for the rewievs, story alerts and favorites. You're all too good for me. _

_Enjoy another chapter! _

* * *

><p>After a quick examination and a reassuring word that Horatio was doing as well as could be expected, the doctor left the two men alone in Horatio's room. Horatio still was very weak and his wound was causing him a lot of pain, but he was more alert. He had to be – he was about to hear the whole story of the events that led to him and Natalia being in a hospital. Eric sat down on a chair beside the bed. Horatio tried to sit up a little bit but he stopped trying and put his head down on the pillow when a new wave of agony coursed through his body. So much about moving. Eric was waiting for him to get settled comfortably and when Horatio gave a little nod Eric started relaying the story.<p>

"I got your call from the pier and when I heard you I instantly knew something was wrong…" Eric started and he also was remembering everything all over again.

_After Horatio's call, Eric called everyone on the team and informed them of the situation. They got into two Hummers and drove down to the pier, where Horatio and Natalia were supposed to meet Randy North. They didn't know what to expect when they got there, but what they saw was beyond everyone's imagination. Horatio was laying in a huge pool of his own blood, unmoving. Natalia was nowhere in sight. Eric, after hearing Horatio's call for help and that Natalia is in a sinking car, was well prepared with a group of divers. He was first kneeling at Horatio's side, not noticing that the blood was quickly saturating his pants. Calleigh, Ryan and Walter were right behind him._

"_H, can you hear me? H!" When Eric got no response, he frantically felt for a pulse and luckily found one, although it was slow and thready. Horatio was still hanging on. _

"_He's alive." Eric said with a loud exhale. When they rolled him slowly onto his back, everybody could notice a big hole in a shirt on his abdomen. Horatio's clothes were soaked in his blood. Operating on instinct Eric wanted to stop the still flowing blood with his hands, but before he could done it, Ryan got into action and used his own folded jacket to press onto the wound._

"_Eric, go and find Natalia!" Ryan said but Eric, still in shock after seeing his longtime boss and friend so seriously injured, he simply couldn't move from his spot._

"_We've got him, Eric. Go!" Nodding his head at Calleigh, Eric ran to the edge of the pier, where other divers and Walter were standing, looking at the water. He saw bubbles coming to the surface and hoped that Natalia was still alive. How long it was since he got H's call? 15-20 minutes? Maybe less, maybe more, he couldn't tell. He got only one task to do now – save Natalia. He was handed the necessary equipment, and in a matter of seconds he was diving with others, looking through the dark water for a car that held Natalia prisoner. _

"After I got into the water and saw the car that was still sinking I had only one thing in mind – I needed to find Natalia. I knew that the ambulance was coming, I could already hear the sirens, so I knew that you will be taken care of. I wanted to stay with you and make sure that you'll be fine, H, but…" Eric was interrupted.

"You did the right thing, Eric," Horatio said in a weak voice. "I don't remember a lot from that pier, but I do recall that after I called you, I hoped, that if I couldn't be saved, maybe you'll be able to save Natalia at least. She was the priority. I… I failed her. I was supposed to protect her. And I failed." Horatio's voice cracked at the end. He was the team leader. They were his family and his job was to protect them. That's why he went to the meeting with Natalia. And he failed. He failed them all. He felt so tired suddenly.

"H, it's not your fault that you got shot and it wasn't you who sent Natalia into that water." Horatio heard Eric say in a calm voice. Eric could understand that Horatio felt responsible for not stopping North from hurting Natalia. They found the bullets and shell casings that came from Horatio's gun. None of them had hit their mark. "You were wounded and there was nothing you could have done to stop that psycho" Eric tried to reason with Horatio but probably there was nothing he could say that would help.

"I know, I know." Horatio said and closed his eyes for a moment. Eric knew that his brother won't be getting rid of that guilt of his anytime soon. He just knew Horatio too well. After a moment, he went back to the story.

"So after we got to the car…"

_There was no sound. No banging, no shouting. Eric hoped to hear Natalia fighting with the trunk lid but there was nothing. That could of course mean that she was only unconscious, but it could be worse. And he didn't want to think about that other possibility. His job was to get her out and on the pier where she could receive the needed help and medical attention. With some difficulty they managed to open the trunk. Natalia was lying inside and just by looking at her Eric could tell that they had to act quickly. Her pale, almost white complexion contrasted with filthy, dark water. Eric grabbed her under the arms and started swimming fast to the surface. There was no time to waste. Once on the dry land, he handed her unmoving body to the medics that were waiting anxiously. Removing pieces of his diving equipment, he didn't want to look at their attempts on reviving her. They were performing CPR, that he could tell. But when he heard words such as "no pulse", "hypothermia" and "possible coma" his head, that was resting in his hands, while he was sitting on the ground, snapped back up. He saw the paramedics loading Natalia on a stretcher and to the ambulance. He felt someone's presence behind him. He knew who was that someone._

"_How could this happen, Calleigh?" Eric asked in a low voice. She came to stand beside him, looking at the leaving ambulance._

"_I don't know, Eric, I don't know," she said, grasping his hand. They might have been broken up for a while but she still loved him. And she hated to see him like this. Eric looked with a still visible shock on his face. They all were shaken up by everything that happened._

"_They took Horatio to the hospital while you were in the water. They didn't want to waste any time," Calleigh said after a moment, knowing very well Eric's next question. _

"_How is he?" he asked, little afraid of her answer._

"_They said it's bad. He's lost a lot of blood and was still unconscious when they took him. It wasn't a through and trough so they wouldn't know anything about internal damage done by the bullet until they get him to the hospital," she replied, trying to sound calm, but not doing very good job. Her voice was cracking, but she was at least succeeding at keeping the tears at bay. There would be time later. Now they had to get to the hospital. The crime scene would be handled by another team – they were too personally involved. _

"_Which hospital?" Eric asked, already walking to the Hummers, were Ryan, Walter and also Frank were waiting for them. _

"_Mercy," said Calleigh, while running after him. They climbed into their cars and drove off to be as close to the rest of their family as they would be allowed to. _

"Then we waited. When we got here, you were already in surgery and they didn't want to tell us anything. As for Natalia, they got her heart beating, but she was, and still is on a ventilator. She is now stable, they say, but in a coma. They don't know yet when she will wake up. There is no telling for now if there is brain damage, but all of her scans are clean. Or so they say. We just have to wait." Eric stopped talking and looked at Horatio, who had his eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"I need to see her," said Horatio, breaking the silence after a while.

"H, I don't know if you are up to it as yet," Eric said, not at all shocked by this request. He knew it was coming. He just had to persuade Horatio to postpone that for the time being. Horatio was seriously injured and the doctors would probably be against it.

"Eric." Horatio had this look on his face that said he was done discussing that subject. He had to see Natalia. What happened to her was, in Horatio's mind, all his fault. Eric wasn't sure what good would come out of this, but he knew that there was no changing his boss' mind. He simply nodded and after giving Horatio's hand a reassuring squeeze, he left the room to talk to the doctor. Horatio, left alone, started to pray quietly. He had only one wish. If one of them had to die, Horatio begged God to take him.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks to all of my reviewers and subscribers, you're amazing! _

_Here's the new chapter of Helplessness. Forgive me for any mistakes. More Thorough.  
><em>

* * *

><p>Standing outside the ICU, Eric watched through the glass as the silent conversation between Horatio and Natalia was taking place. He was able, with help of the rest of the team, to finally convince the doctor to agree to this visit. In a wheelchair, with a nurse and ten minutes tops, but here they were. Horatio looked like he was about to pass out, but he was determined to say what he had to say to Natalia. He said that he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he hadn't apologized for what happened. Not that he would ever forgive himself. But Eric was willing to help Horatio with whatever he wanted to do. Looking down at the now cold cup of coffee in his hand, he remembered the first time he was standing in the almost same spot. Two days ago, when Horatio and Natalia were situated in the ICU, one of them after surgery, other in a coma, both very hard fighting for their lives…<p>

_They were all there. Eric, Calleigh, Frank, Ryan and Walter, all waiting for hours for any information they could get, gathered in a small waiting room on a surgical floor of Mercy Hospital. None of them could believe what was happening. Not only did Horatio get shot but also Natalia almost drowned in that car. There was still no word on any of them. But sometimes no news is good news. It meant that they were still alive, still fighting. Eric stood up from an uncomfortable plastic chair and started pacing, giving up trying to stay calm. He looked at the rest of the team – they were either sitting down, heads resting in their hands or fidgeting anxiously, worry visible all over their faces. It was all they could do – wait. So they did. It was maybe another hour when they saw a doctor approach them, some of the blood still visible on his scrubs. _

_"Who is here for Horatio Caine?" asked the doctor and they instantly were standing in front of him._

_"How is he?" asked quickly Eric, afraid of what they were about to hear._

_"Lieutenant Caine suffered a gunshot wound to the abdomen, as you probably already know. The blood loss was significant. When he got here, we were able to stabilize him enough to get him to surgery, but we lost him a couple of times in the operating room." _

_"Is he alive?" muttered Calleigh, who was sobbing openly at the doctor's words._

_"Yes, he is," said the doctor with a hesitance in his voice "But his condition is critical. As I said, he's lost a lot of blood. We were able to do the transfusion, but he's not out of the woods yet. The bullet not only nicked his liver but also tore one of the abdominal arteries, hence so severe bleeding. We managed to get the bullet out and finally stop the bleeding, but there's no way of knowing right now if his condition won't deteriorate. Next twenty-four hours are critical. We hope that if he gets through this period, he would make a complete recovery. As for now, there's nothing we can do but wait."_

_"What about Natalia?" asked Ryan, after a few moments of stunned silence._

_"Ah, Miss Boa Vista? Yes, I heard they were brought together. I am not one of her doctors, but I can find someone who has more information. All I know is that she was severely hypothermic at the admission but they were able to warm her up and her heart is now beating."_

_"Now? You mean she was… There wasn't…" Ryan, as well as the rest of them, was shocked beyond words._

_"I'm afraid so. But please, wait for her doctor, he will explain it all to you." With that the doctor disappeared from their sight, only to be replaced by another one, who without unnecessary introductions proceeded to answering their unasked questions._

_"Miss Boa Vista is stable but as for now in a coma. As I was told you were all informed that she was in a state called hypothermia, which means that her core temperature was well below normal. She had no pulse for an hour and the cold helped to prevent organ and brain damage. Luckily, when we warmed her up, we managed to restart her heart." Doctor stopped for a while to let the people in front of him digest the news._

_"Will she be okay?" It was Frank's turn to ask the question. _

_"We hope so. We did some tests and we didn't find anything that could cause our concern. There is still possibility of brain damage, but until she wakes up there's no way of knowing that. We just have to wait and see."_

_"What kind of damage are we talking about?" _

_"As I said – we don't know yet if there will be any. Let's focus for now on getting her out of that coma."_

_None of them tried to press Natalia's doctor for more information. Maybe the tests were accurate and Natalia will be just fine. Unfortunately they now had to wait not only for Natalia but for Horatio as well. Hard days were ahead of the CSIs._

_"Can we see them?" asked Eric, after a moment of silence._

_"By them you probably also mean Lieutenant Caine, am I right? I was advised to take all of you to both of them. Please, follow me." _

And now, Eric stood in the same place they all were standing then and watching both of their friends fighting for their lives. He remembered a lot of medical equipment, surrounding Natalia and Horatio, who were lying so still in their hospital beds. Too still. After a while it was discovered that Horatio was developing some kind of infection from his gunshot wound so he had to be moved to another room. They got through the twenty-four hour period without any other serious complications and the doctors were fairly optimistic. Horatio woke up not long after that, Natalia still being in a coma, and here they were. Eric was looking at the red-haired man, who long ago became his boss and friend, clutching tightly Natalia's hand, mainly silently sitting beside her bed or whispering sometimes a word or two. Nurse, who was inside with Horatio, announced that the time was up and he had to return to his room. Horatio, without even trying to put up a fight, gave Natalia's hand one more squeeze and gave a barely noticeable nod. In a few seconds, he was being wheeled out of the ICU cubicle and Eric had to try very hard not to notice the tears that were visible on Horatio's face. Eric understood. There was nothing they could do. They had to wait. And Eric knew that in this situation Horatio, just like himself, simply felt helpless.


End file.
